NOTES FROM THE CAFE FIASCO
Marshall T. Spriggs
Volume 25, Number 0, Winter Solstice 2018
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Annual Report – V25.0 – 50thAnniversay Edition
For some reason, it seems like it’s gotten dark earlier this year. This could be because I’m still getting used to being back in standard time, but I think that it has something to do with the fact that, at 68, my perception of time is such that everything is going just a little bit quicker – days, projects, seasons. The wheel is rotating a bit quicker as I get older and my grasping of what it offers simultaneously has become more precious and also something that’s harder to do. Or maybe it’s just my reaction to American politics.
But now, for whatever reason, we find ourselves at the bottom of the curve of light for the year again. More darkness but, thankfully, headed toward more light. And again, it’s time to evaluate the year.
Health
Health (and the lack of it) has been the prime focus for both of us over the past year. On the plus side, it was finally determined that the chance of my prostate cancer recurring was miniscule – I’m out of the woods on this account and very much relieved. For anyone who has had the disease, it never really goes away – it’s always in the back of your mind – but this does put it even further back there where it’s harder to trip over it.
My Graves Disease seems to be quiet and in a couple of months I’m hopeful that this also will be determined to be “in remission.” So far, so good.
On the negative side, early in the year I determined that the knee problem that I’ve had for the past year after falling on ice, was not really not going to go away without some intervention, so I dragged myself off to the orthopedic surgeon. He did the X-Ray and the MRI thing this summer and it was determined that he needed to go in and clean out several loose things and some arthritis out of the joint and fix my meniscus that was badly torn. So, on September 11th,(an auspicious date if there ever was one), I had arthroscopic knee surgery, in anticipation of the fact that, if I didn’t, I was setting myself up for a full-scale knee replacement later in life. I came through the surgery without a problem, but recovery has been slow and I’m still limping and sometimes using a cane. I’m told that recovery might take a while (like a year). Yuck. This makes me feel like I’m 68 or older.
D.’s migraines seem to come and go according to their own irregular schedule. Medication has reduced their number, but has not relieved her of their presence. Too much medication results in weird GI problems, too little results in more migraines. The balance keeps on shifting, but her amazing ability to cope with the pain combined with the effort to find a balance is keeping her busy.
Retirement/Work
I’m three years in and maybe I’m getting the hang of this thing. Maybe. In reality, I really don’t have a choice. It is very difficult to think of going back to doing computer work (not to mention that computers have moved on without me over the past three years) and these are, at least at the moment, the only “professional” credentials that I have to offer a prospective employer. This was, to some degree, an accidental career, but it’s the only one I had. I can do lots of different things, but it’s hard to make a case for hiring me to do them. And then there’s the ageism thing, which still seems to be very active. The assumption is that if you’re over 60 you’re nothing but dead weight.
So, until the MacArthur or the Nobel rolls in, I’ve made myself busy running the house (at least more than I ever did), worrying about the 401K, and continuing as a TA in the Sustainability Program at Harvard Extension. I’ve got a great faculty to support, but the Harvard attitude drives me nuts (the reason that I quit the job that I had there years ago). The saving grace is working with the students who are bright and committed to saving the planet and some of which I actually teach how to write better.
The answer to the question that everyone still asks d. is, “No, the Huntington Theatre Company is not shutting down.” At least we don’t think so. The divorce with Boston University is now complete, and now that the HTC owns the physical theater, the Huntington people are looking forward to a bright new future. Unfortunately, this bright future seems to lie on the other side of a huge and very necessary fundraising effort to renovate the building. So, stay tuned.
d. got a new boss this summer who seems to have her head screwed on straight and actually cares about her staff. This has made the chaos around the future easier to take, but when the renovation, which will include moving D’s shop, starts is still up in the air so there’s only so much you can do.
d. also continues (as she has for the past 25 years) to teach part-time in the Boston University Theater Department.This, of course, makes for interesting comparisons of notes between she and I on student “problem children” as well as the dreaded “academic politics” that is always so much fun.
Marshall Arts
Iaido – I keep swinging the sword every Saturday morning and Sensei Laliberty keeps patiently correcting me. Over and over. Such is life in the Japanese martial arts. I am no longer a beginner, though I seem to be going back to the elementary parts of the art to correct mistakes that I must have been making for years. Sensei quotes his teacher saying the in the art of iaido it gets harder the longer you do it. How do I get myself into these arts where there’s a beginning but no end?
Visual Art – Not drawing much these days (it’s been a while) and it’s something that will go back on the agenda now that the health issues seem to be moving into the background. (Let us pray). Denise has expanded her efforts to paint by taking a class in acrylics. She’s doing good stuff but, of course, is dissatisfied with her progress.
Learning
To many books to read, too little time. A problem of having too much time is that there is still too much to learn. Yes, I’m retired, but the book stack just seems to be getting higher as my generalist interests expand.
Environment
Twelve years to turn the climate situation around. That’s what the IPPC says we have. Combine this with the 6thGreat Extinction that we are currently in the middle of and we have a full-blown Environmental Emergency on our hands. But, of course, a large number of people refuse to acknowledge this. It’s as if your house was on fire and the Powers That Be had determined that having firemen were inefficient since they don’t do much anyway and they work for socialist institutions and therefore we should do without them. Great idea, until … I’m reminded of an old quote from David Crosby: “You can’t bullshit the ocean. You know, it’s not listening.”
We know all know what we have to do and we better get on it or else. The clock is ticking. Hear this North Carolina?
Politics
The American people don’t like politics all that much. Most people just want to be left alone to live their lives without interference from the government and they’ve evolved this wish into the idea that they’ve gotten what they have solely through their own efforts without the help of anyone else, let alone their government.
This would probably be okay if it were true, which it is not. This fantasy also leaves the population open to people who would play upon this lie, by promising them a return to a simpler life of an era that never really existed (in the form of a sanitized 1950’s) in return for turning their political life into a techno-enabled version of the Gilded Age.
In November of 2016, a majority of Americans (in the right states) bought this well-articulated lie and the result is the mess that we now find ourselves in: a narcissistic authoritarian leader who promises to make everyone “safe” while wrecking the government and it’s associated social structures – especially those parts that kept us safe from the ravages of the corporate one percent for whom he and his party work.
I can’t see how this situation will change over the next two years even as the probes of administration corruption slowly circle an increasingly embattled group of grifters. I think that the best we can do is think about what we have learned from this process and what kind of world we can rebuild from the ruins that they will leave us. Some parts of the government and country will not be rebuildable – think of endangered species totally wiped out or people who will have died for lack of health care – but we will have the chance to move forward without much of the thinking of the past that has held us back. This is small recompense for the damage we will have to endure, but at least it’s something.
Gratitude
I have to admit that I find the latest fad of the creation of a “gratitude list” to be slightly amusing. People are urged to sit down at the beginning or the end of the day and list the things for which they are grateful. Not a bad thing to do and something that helps with keeping everything in perspective. I’ve been doing this virtually everyday for 50 years now. Everyday I wake up, I get out of bed, and marvel at the fact that “I’m still here.” I’m not sure if this is would be considered a “gratitude” practice within the current definition, but it sure feels like it and it always has.
It’s been 50 years today since I nearly drowned in a sea of grief over the loss of my mother and my family. During the two weeks that I was “gone” and in unbelievable pain, there were people who threw me a life preserver (quite literally in this case), took care of me (most prominently Sandy Heywood), and gave me hope that I could actually come back from the hell that I was in. Because of their efforts, I very slowly started to emerge from a very dark period in my life. And from these ruins I started the long, long process of rebuilding a shattered personality off of the strong foundation that my family left me. I was grateful for the chance for resurrection then and now, 50 years later, I am still grateful. And I still wonder why I’m here.
I remember talking to an HR professional some years later at the Harvard Business School who was patiently explaining to me that I could change my benefits structure if I had a “significant life event.” I remember her puzzled look as I immediately broke up with raucous laughter. There was no way to explain to her that I considered getting up everyday was a “significant life event.” This has not changed.
Many people have helped along the way to where I am now half a century later. I hesitate to list exactly who is among this number since the list is so long. But I do know that because of you I function in the world much better than that scared, devastated teenager of 1968. Of course, it would be hard not to a still be alive. But I am still here and my gratitude to those of you who have helped with this simple fact is both great and deep.
I can only hope to have earned the trust and energy that you have given to me over the years. I continue to strive to do my best to carry forward your faith in me. Thank you all for being so generous with your time and essence over the years.
Extro
For going on the 50thyear, the light now returns for me and for you. My personal darkness of the late 1960’s returns from time to time in different forms. Sometimes, as we’ve seen, in political forms. But the light always returns. If I have faith in anything, I have faith in this. And, of course, in all of you.
Have a great Solstice season and take care of yourself and of others. The light returns.
Much love,
MTS