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N O T E S F R O M T H E C A F E F I A S C O
Volume 9, Number 5 - September 2004
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REPUBLICAN NATIONALISM CONVENTION - DAYS 3 & 4
ZELL MILLER
It isn't often that you get to see a psychotic episode as a major political speech, but Zell Miller seems to have pulled this off this year. One got the impression that the only thing what would satisfy Zell is if we all called off this democracy thing and just handed the country over to the Commandant of the Marine Corps. This is despite the fact that this didn't work out so well for the Romans and Julius Caesar as I remember. But then, they didn't have the strength of character that we have.
How dare those dastardly Democrats nominate someone to take over from the Commander in Chief? Have they no shame left in their squalid little worm-like non-patriotic bodies? Semper Fi!
DICK CHENEY
Here's a guy who can talk slowly and softly because he's always been the biggest and most important guy in the room. Darth Vader had this effect on people as well. Maybe it's all the heart medications, I don't the know (by the way, what ever happened to the war on drugs?) but he started off very slow and then tapered off. Or maybe it was just if contrast to Zell Miller. All I know is that with the new Bush Doctrine Corollary that individual people can be considered "Weapons of Mass Destruction" (did you catch this?) Dick and Rummy better look out.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Foreign Policy: We're going to deal with Iraq (details to come) and then we're going to do something else (details lacking)
Domestic Policy: We're going to create the "Ownership Society" where if you really need help you can rely on the stock market.
SEMI-AUTOMATIC SAFETY
Now that you're feeling so much safer after the, as Maureen Dowd would put it, testosterone-drenched Republican National Convention, you get be safer still by going out and purchasing your very own AK-47 so that you can hold your own against terrorists of all persuasion (Remember Waco!). The federal ban against such activities just ran out since it was not reauthorized by your terrorist fighting Republican controlled Congress and Administration. They and their second amendment buddies in the NRA have decided that we're going to be safer if everyone is armed with assault weapons. After what I saw at the Convention, I may be inclined to agree with them.
RANDOM THOUGHTS
- If protesters can get into can get on the floor of the Republican National Convention during the President's speech and make a ruckus, getting through one of the tightest security screenings in modern American history, doesn't that say something about the ability of this administration to keep us safe from people who can carry bombs around in suitcases?
- Large sign in the back of the hall: "People of Compassion" A) Haven't these people learned about large banners after the "Mission Accomplished" fiasco? B) Beware of anyone who feels like they have to tell you that they're compassionate, especially by way of large signs.
- Not only did the Repubs manage to canonize Ronald Reagan during the Convention, but this convention was the convention where the Republicans rehabilitated the image of Richard Nixon. Several speakers mentioned him. Arnold even seemed to revere him. And the word "Watergate" was not uttered even once.
- Family Values: Where was Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter in the family fest that followed the President's address?
- Elaine Chow: What can be a simpler job than to be Secretary of Labor in this administration?
- George Pataki and Mitt Romney: Also mouthed Karl Rove inspired platitudes.
- "The economy is surging!" All you folks in the manufacturing sector get out of the way!
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